I've never done a post like this before but I just feel I want to get what I'm feeling off my mind. Since I can remember I've had a problem with my weight. I probably started putting on most of my weight by about the age of 10yrs and it's snowballed ever since. When I was young I was thin, looking at the family movies I wished my weight never changed. Now knowing that it was due to my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It helps that I know the reason but it doesn't make me happy. Before I met Clayton I was at my highest weight, I was determined to look good and I lost about 30lbs I was a size 14/16 when I met Clayton in person. Now sadly I've put most of it back on again.

Yesterday made me feel so fat, I went round to 5 different stores to find a winter jacket that would fit me. I'm about an XL and even those Jackets wouldn't fit me, I know some of it is down too different clothes makers but it made me feel so fat when I had to get a 2x.

As most of you all know I'm going back to Wales for Christmas, I don't know why but I feel really anxious to see my family and friends again. The main reason my weight gain, I know everyone loves me for me. But I guess I'm really ashamed that I've gotten this bad again, not that I pig out on food everyday. I do watch what eat but I'm not as strict as I should be with the diet and exercise.

I guess the never ending battle with my weight will keep going and going and going and going.