I've never done a post like this before but I just feel I want to get what I'm feeling off my mind. Since I can remember I've had a problem with my weight. I probably started putting on most of my weight by about the age of 10yrs and it's snowballed ever since. When I was young I was thin, looking at the family movies I wished my weight never changed. Now knowing that it was due to my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It helps that I know the reason but it doesn't make me happy. Before I met Clayton I was at my highest weight, I was determined to look good and I lost about 30lbs I was a size 14/16 when I met Clayton in person. Now sadly I've put most of it back on again.

Yesterday made me feel so fat, I went round to 5 different stores to find a winter jacket that would fit me. I'm about an XL and even those Jackets wouldn't fit me, I know some of it is down too different clothes makers but it made me feel so fat when I had to get a 2x.

As most of you all know I'm going back to Wales for Christmas, I don't know why but I feel really anxious to see my family and friends again. The main reason my weight gain, I know everyone loves me for me. But I guess I'm really ashamed that I've gotten this bad again, not that I pig out on food everyday. I do watch what eat but I'm not as strict as I should be with the diet and exercise.

I guess the never ending battle with my weight will keep going and going and going and going.

I'm still alive- barely! This quarter has been hard work, I can't wait till it's over 3 more weeks! I'm only taking 3 classes, the streaming media class is taking a lot out me. It's more like a cinematography class, we have to write a script and go through the whole process in putting it into production. We shot our first couple of scenes on Saturday and tomorrow and Wednesday we do the rest. Next quarter I'm taking 5 classes just so I can graduate, that's going to be hard work.

It's exactly 4wks yesterday that we arrive in Wales! Clayton and I are really excited we have so many plans with my family. Right now we are both excited for a long break also. I bought a small Christmas tree that lights up the other day, it's already sitting in my living room. I'm just getting really festive!